“I think I’ll find a duplex or condo soon,” my mom said at dinner last night.
I almost spit out my food – in shock.
My mom has lived with us since October 2010, moving in after my dad died and she sold their property in Tennessee. Lauren has never known life without Grandma RIGHT THERE, and Ethan loves having her close.
Of course, the original intent was never to have my mom live with us full-time forever. She was going to get her own house, close by, when we were in St. Louis. Then, things were bad with Mike, and she didn’t want to leave me (and the kids) alone to deal with his drinking and lying. She moved with me and the kids to Wisconsin and fully intended to get her own place there, but then Mike died and she thought the kids and I needed her close (we did/do).
But now, hearing that she’s actually LOOKING at places and has called an agent to help her search, it’s kind of a shock.
Yes, it’s tough sometimes having my mom live with me, like how she sets hot pans directly on my countertops (pet peeve) or how she doesn’t keep the pantry organized the same way I do (pet peeve). But, hell! She does the kids’ laundry, makes dinner, walks the dog, runs errands for us, keeps the house clean and running smoothly.
It would be nice to actually settle down in my house – my office is currently my mom’s bedroom and the guest room is PACKED with my mom’s “stuff.” Right now, my desk is in the dining room and office supplies are scattered in closets and the basement. And I don’t even know where the guest room furniture is… And three-quarters of my garage is filled with her furniture and boxes.
It would be nice to figure out how to be a single mom on my own. Besides, my mom will still be close – she watches Lauren three days a week. And it would probably be good for her to have her own space (and her stuff – which has been in storage or my garage for nearly two years). She needs to figure out how to deal with her own widow-hood.
I know I’m very fortunate to be in this situation with a mom who cares and wants to help (despite her own health and other issues). And a mom whom I can tolerate living under my roof.
It’s just bittersweet to think she’ll get her own place soon.
I’m glad she will at least not move far from you and your children. My parents have come to stay with me for a month, 3 weeks left now. Although I clash with my mother sometimes, the help has been great. I don’t have to worry about my daughter’s meals or cleaning. I’m already dreading when they leave and they live in a different country. Like you wrote though, at some point need to learn how to be single mamas and be on our own. I’m scared of that really, but I guess just try to take advantage of the help while we have it.
It’s truly bittersweet. In some ways (a lot of ways), I’m ready to have my house and my kids and my routine. And just figure out where I go from here. It’ll be good for her to figure her own stuff out too – since SHE became a widow, she’s lived with us, not on her own. On the other hand, when I need her, she’s RIGHT THERE. She hasn’t said anymore about moving out since those initial comments, so we’ll see if and when it happens. But her comments this week made me realize that she probably isn’t going to be RIGHT THERE in my house forever. I’m sure she wants her own furniture and “stuff” – it’s all been in storage or my garage for two years. Sigh.