Tag Archives: Family

How are the Kids? Lauren Edition

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Lauren was just 15 months old when Mike was removed from the house and only 20 months old when he died. I don’t know how much she remembers about her dad or if she has any memories at all. Mike was pretty far gone into the spiral of alcohol at the time she was born.

Today, Lauren is a happy, giggly little girl. She adores her brother. She loves her dog. She is a cuddler and a hugger and blows kisses 24/7. Lauren is fearless and repeats everything her brother does. She loves dancing, playing with “babies” (dolls), reading books and building with Legos and wooden blocks. She is a terrific eater – she’ll try anything and gobbles up things most kids won’t touch (broccoli, raw onions and peppers, spicy guacamole).

But she doesn’t talk. She makes noises, usually the first letter sound of a word. She uses several baby signs and has developed her own signs for some words. She has her own way of communicating with us – there just aren’t words.

Her new doc was worried about speech during Lauren’s 24 month check up. Babies at that age should be saying SOMETHING. I had ignored some of my concerns about her speech. Afterall, she was the second child and Ethan talks “for” her. But new doc arranged for an evaluation.

Over the course of a month, Lauren was evaluated by child development experts, speech therapists, occupational therapists and doctors. At the end, Lauren tested off the charts for almost everything. Brag moment: the coordinator said that Lauren’s scores were the highest they had ever seen; Lauren tested a full year ahead of her age in several categories. Except for her speech.

Lauren had the speech of a 9 month old – she was 25 months old at the time of the evaluation.

At the time of the evaluation, she did have one word: “dad” (said while pointing to a photo of Mike).

Lauren is going through “baby speech therapy.” Every two weeks, a speech therapist visits the house for a 40 minute session. Lauren loves it. In just a few sessions, I can tell a difference. She now has a distinct label for her brother (“Eth”) and has been more “vocal” with making sounds. She seems to really be trying.

I think I’d be dealing with Lauren’s speech issues regardless of whether Mike were alive or not, regardless of whether or not Mike and I were still together. But it’s very difficult being the only one to make treatment decisions for an issue this big. Still it’s nothing like what’s going on with Ethan…

“How are the Kids? Ethan Edition” to come at a later date…

I’m a Good Quitter

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I did it.

I was finally able to get in to see The Boss right after an impromptu group meeting on Friday to recognize two well-deserved promotions. Everything was worked out in my head. I knew exactly what I was going to say, and how I was going to say it.

“Jackie, I have 20 minutes if you still want to meet,” she said as the meeting was breaking up.

It’s awkward to quit after two colleagues/friends were just promoted. “Um, coming from that meeting makes what I have to say even more difficult,” I started as we were walking into The Boss’ office.

“I think I know where this is going,” she said, settling into her chair.

I started to cry. I hate crying at work, especially in front of The Boss. Suddenly, my entire speech was jumbled in my head. I started the discussion – between sobs – in the middle of what I wanted to say. I tried to get it back on track, but kept slipping back into a snotty, sobbing mess. It wasn’t how I envisioned having the discussion. My elegant, well-thought out speech turned out to be a barely intelligible rambling.

By the end of my explanation for leaving, her eyes appeared to be watery. She seemed almost human in that moment.

She said she understood, but encouraged me to think about it more. She said I could change my mind anytime before my last day. She asked me not to tell anyone until we have aligned on a transition plan, which is my assignment next week.

The unofficial offer is still unofficial, but I anticipate hearing from them early next week. In fact, they’ve already given me some projects to start thinking through, so I know the offer is coming. But, it’s good to know that I quit so well that I could always “take it back” if I needed to.

But I’m not going to take it back. August 10 will be my last day – even if I don’t have an official offer.

I Quit!

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I’m resigning from my job tomorrow.

I do not have an “offical” offer for a new job yet.

I’m reminded almost daily by my boss that I am a “bonus eligible, stock optioned executive at a fortune 500 company.” I’m walking away from a salary I will NEVER make again, with a bonus package that pays more than most people make in a year.

I am not crazy. I’ve given this  A LOT of thought.

I’m working about 80 hours a week – I’m in the office by 7:30 a.m. and leaving around 7 p.m., then back on-line by 8 and working until 10 or 11. Then there are the weekends…oh, the weekends.

I do not see my kids. And when I do, I’m grouchy because there’s always an URGENT email. That’s a problem.

I don’t know if things would be different if I wasn’t a single mom, or if I wasn’t widowed, or if Mike wasn’t an alcoholic, or if pigs could fly. But I know that this isn’t working for us right now, and as Ethan continues to struggle, I need to be there for him. As Lauren starts to ask questions, I need to be there for her. As my mom’s health continues to be a mystery, I need to be there.

I’m fortunate. I can take a 50 percent pay cut and make it work. The basement remodel will have to wait. We won’t be going to Europe or Disney next year. I won’t be driving a brand-new car next month. But I’ve realized that I can’t put a price on my happiness, my kids’ health, or our sanity as a family.

Let’s just hope the unofficial offer becomes official soon…

Follow up to Check’s in the Mail – Maybe

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Alternatively called, “People are Stupid.”

So I talked to the life insurance people…finally. A snapshot of the conversation:

ME: I didn’t receive the letter or the form I need to fill out for the rest of the policy payment.

PERSON: That doesn’t make sense.

ME: Well, I got the first check, but not the letter. Can you resend the letter?

PERSON: Why wouldn’t you have it? We sent it to you.

ME: Well, you know the USPS (uncomfortable laugh by me). I got the check, but not the letter. Can you just resend the letter and the form I need to fill out?

PERSON: Well, how did you get the check and not the letter?

ME: Um, I don’t know. Were they sent in the same envelope?

PERSON: Of course not. They were sent a week apart. But if you got one, why wouldn’t you get the other?

ME: Can you just resend the letter and the form?

PERSON: I guess so, but why don’t you have the letter and the form?

ME: I. DON’T. KNOW. CAN YOU JUST RESEND IT?

PERSON: There’s no reason to get upset. I just don’t understand.

ME: Look, I need the letter and the form. You have the letter and the form. I don’t know where the hell that envelope is and frankly, I don’t care. I just need you to resend.

PERSON: Fine. I’ll resend. This just doesn’t make sense. Can I confirm your address? (Repeats address correctly) Well, that’s where we sent it – you got the check, so why don’t you have the letter?

ME: Look, I don’t know. It’s lost. Can you put another copy in the mail and send it to the address you just read to me?

PERSON: Well, I don’t know what good that will do if you aren’t getting your mail.

ME: Then send by FedEx or UPS.

PERSON: Well, we really don’t do that…

ME: And that’s why I don’t have it…  

———————–

What the hell?! Bets on whether or not I get the letter and form?

Reflecting

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A few weeks ago, I was back on my alma mater’s campus. It was the second time I had been on campus since Mike died. The first time was for a college visit with my niece. Our time was booked with professor introductions and tours and admissions counselors, so there wasn’t anytime to think about things – other than telling stories about how much fun I had in college. Then, whoosh, we were off to the next campus.

This time was different, though. I was there for an alumni board meeting, and the weekend activities (like a Friday night dinner to celebrate the graduating seniors) were ones that Mike usually attended with me. It would be my first time solo.

Admittedly, I procrastinated. I stayed at work late. I shopped at the outlet mall on the way. I didn’t get to campus in time for Friday’s dinner. On purpose.

It was about 10:30 when I drove onto campus. It was dark and quiet. The air was chilly and brisk. I could see my breath a little with every exhale. I put my luggage in my room and went for a walk. There was somewhere I needed to visit.

I walked to the reflecting pond and sat down on one of the ice-cold metal benches surrounding the pond. I watched the fountain in the center and listened to the tinkling of water hit the pond and the hum of cars as they drove by. I pulled my coat close and buried my nose in my scarf.

It was here that Mike told me he loved me for the first time during my senior year.

The tears flowed free and fast, thinking about the last 17 years (holy cow, 17 years!). Standing here in 1995 when he and I went for a walk as friends and came back to the dorms something more – “there’s this girl…” he said, “and it’s you…” In 1996 when he graduated. In 2001, just before our wedding as we were passing through the area. In 2004, when I first joined the alumni board. In 2005, pregnant with Ethan. In 2007, introducing Ethan to the campus. In 2009, homecoming. In 2010, walking around campus as a family of four for the first time.

I realized in all the time that the campus – and this spot – have been part of my life, I’ve never sat at the “reflecting pond” and reflected, until that night.  I spent almost an hour out there, until my bottom was numb from the cold steel on which I was sitting and I couldn’t feel my nose.

I walked to the Grotto and lit a candle for Mike and for my dad. I said a prayer, then walked back to the dorm and got ready for bed. The next day would be a long one.